I feel that this title really explains everything I will be talking about today, so let’s just dive in to the interesting parts that you’re here for.
I’ve always been independent. I went 19 years of my life doing well on my own, never needing anyone, and generally getting by on my own skill, wit, and ability. To me, dating was just a luxury, because I don’t need a man.
And then I had my first real, serious relationship and it ended in flames a year ago. It was traumatic how upset I was then, because I had indulged in that luxury enough I had thought it was a necessity. A year later, I’ve come back to my senses. The part of me that I lost in that year and a half relationship have come back, and I couldn’t be happier. And it’s reminded me of why being single is kind of the best.
That isn’t to discourage from dating, or saying people in relationships are missing out, but I think being single helps to sharpen the brain on who you are and who you want to be. And being with my ex really clouded those thoughts.
Here are five things I learned about myself in a year of being single:
1. I enjoy luxuries
A year of being single and living off (mostly) my own income and I’ve realized I love to live luxuriously. Not in an expensive way, but I love my white bedspread, and fancy HomeGood plates, and having a new floral bouquet in my windowsill every week. With my ex, it was all about saving money where we could, and I see now it was definitely a factor in my unhappiness. I’ve loved being single because I’ve been able to indulge where I want to. And whether that’s buying lemon bars at Trader Joe’s, or spending my day wrapped in my duvet doing Buzzfeed quizzes, a life of feeling pampered is kind of who I am.
2. I give love when I receive love
For a lot of my life I have given love to people and not received it, or for me to give that person more love. That’s draining. In this past year I have learned how to give love when I receive it back. Life is too short to spend it on people who don’t care, and while I still give my love freely, I try to focus it on the people who I know need it and deserve it.
3. I have no clue what I’m doing with my life
I thought I had my life figured out a year ago. I thought I knew where I was going to live (I actually drive by apartment complex often, and it kind of makes me laugh), what my job was going to be, the people I would be spending time with, etc. Since my breakup that’s all changed. But it’s made me realize my life is really a blank slate. I’ll be 22 next week and I can do anything. What do I want to do? It’s kind of a mystery to me, but I’m having fun figuring it out.
4. I want to encourage other people
The depression that came from my relationship made me forget about my passion for helping people. For years now I’ve been helping teenage girls with their love problems. I’ve been helping friends when they aren’t sure of their next move. I’m the girl people go to when they aren’t sure of the aesthetic of their project. I am excited that I’ve regained that passion and can go forward encouraging people to be their best self, and to be that supportive shoulder that people need. Encouraging people is what makes me happiest, and I’m glad to be back at it.
5. I can only be with another enthusiast
The weirdest thing I’ve learned in this year is what I look for in potential friendships and – especially – relationships. I love other enthusiasts! I don’t think I could be with someone who doesn’t have passion for things. Yes, I love sharing my enthusiasms with my partner, but that’s not as fun as when my partner has something to share with me, and the two of us can share it together. After seeing healthy relationships like my parents, it’s about shared experiences that help you grow, so why shouldn’t shared enthusiasms count too?
I hope you’ve enjoyed this post, and thank you for reading. My personal growth in the last year hasn’t been easy, but I’m happier than ever and excited for more blogging to come!
Want to stay up to date with all of my crazy shenanigans, what movies I’m watching, and how to live the best life ever? Add me on Snapchat: PotatoesHegarty
Stay classy, Internet,
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