What a Filter Can Do: My Instagram Photo Realities

The other day my mother sent me this article and I laughed for a solid 15 minutes because of how accurate it is! While I am not the world’s most amazing Instagrammer (I forget to take pictures, unless I want to look cool or prove I have a life) but I agreed with every word Olivia said. The pictures you post on Instagram say one thing, but the reality behind them says another. Because while I look like a cool hipster with ombré hair who drinks tea and has interesting reading taste, I’m really just a dork who was allowed on social media.

This all said, I thought I would show you all the realities of my Instagram photos because like it or not, my life actually does not come in Early Bird filter style.

1. The Professional Photo

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My Photo Says:

Wow, look at how professional I am. Look at all those books that I’ve read and that notebook that I’ve obviously taken very important notes in. I mean complete business. This girl is ready to take on the world because she knows how to run a professional, clean office.

I Say:

Do you know how difficult it was to climb under all the deck furniture in my living room (house painting, whoo!) and get this lamp, unplug it, and haul it into the home office?  Not to mention the hundreds of catalogs that had to be moved before I could even place my laptop there. I haven’t read any of those books, they aren’t even mine. Then again, I don’t think my mom’s read all of them either. I don’t have my life together, I just wanted to look nice for my video conference (of which I did not get the job I was applying for.)

2. The Tea/Mug Photo

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My Photo Says:

I am so homey and interesting, I drink tea from cool landscape mugs and shop at HomeGoods. Look at how the light hits my tea box just right, as my lighting always compliments what I am photographing. And don’t forget how my tea box and mug match. It’s because I am a matchy-matchy person, as should everyone.

I Say:

I just really like how they both have British connotations. And I forgot about the HomeGoods sticker until about an hour after I posted the photo. But wow, that was a really good cup of tea.

3. The Sibling Photo

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My Photo Says:

Look at how well my brother and I get along as we stand in front of a modern building in the gorgeous fall light. We are such picture perfect siblings, with our love of the same college. Eugene is so pretty this time of the year and with my family visiting me it’s even better! Now that we’ve taken our photo-op, we are going to take a walk down more pretty streets because we are just the happiest brother and sister in the world!

I Say:

There was a good four minutes of grumbling before both my brother and I agreed to stand in front of the building and take the picture for my mom. And most of it came from me saying, “Mom, I look so short next to him!” because I am a little shrimp and he’s still growing. Also, after this picture was taken we ate at some Mexican restaurant where my parents paid because I’m all about that free food. My brother and I didn’t even walk side-by-side.

4. The Best Friend Dinner Photo

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My Photo Says:

I am having such a good time with my best friend! She just loves spending time with me. I spent so much time planning out this spaghetti feast and unfortunately my cups are all dirty because I had to use One Direction cups. But this candle makes us so classy as we eat our classy meal together as best friends.

 I Say:

I forced her to come over so I could prove my cooking skills and we’re drinking out of One Direction cups because my Harry Styles cup hasn’t let me down yet. In the background Michael Buble Christmas plays as I accidentally say, “Let me put some romantic music on…I meant Christmas music!”

5. The Baking Photo

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My Photo Says:

As I write important documents on my shiny Mac I like to bake, because I am well-rounded and can fit everything in during the day. Look how delicious these muffins are, and how fluffy they are in the middle! I am a pro baker. I am up for any task because I can bake and do work at the same time. I might even bake brownies tomorrow, or strudel!

I Say:

I was dying for something baked, so I made muffins while I rushed to write a blog post. Then I rummaged in my pantry for a pretty flower plate. It took about six tries to get the lighting right and make sure the melted butter didn’t get on the napkin. Aesthetics, baby!

6. The Selfie

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 My Photo Says:

A little hipster selfie for everyone to know that I drink tea regularly and am so cuddly on my couch. I live a life of leisure. This tea is more than just a cup of tea, it is the best cup of tea anyone has ever tasted. And you can’t see my mouth because I am sooo mysterious. If only you knew my secret. Don’t you wish you were as laid back and mysterious as me?

I Say:

This is the photo I took as I anxiously awaited the release of the Amnesia music video. I’m wearing a gross high school jumper and I only made this tea because I got about zero hours of sleep the night before. I’m not even that comfortable as I needed prime selfie lighting to make my skin not look spotty. This is what you get for taking selfies at 10am and only doing your hair.

7. The Tea Box Photo

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 My Photo Says:

I drink cool British tea that comes in a cool Union Jack box. No one can compare to my tea game. After this photo I am going to make myself a cuppa and read a Charles Dickens novel (because he’s British, duh) and maybe later watch some Doctor Who. Because everything I own is British because I am a true English bird.

I Say:

When you’re sent a box of tea from your mum and it has a cool design, taking a photo is important. And putting an edgy filter is necessary. Basically I just wanted to boast about the fact my mother sends me copious amounts of tea I still have yet to finish.

8. The Pet Photo

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 My Photo Says:

Look at this fish that I’ve inherited. His name is Donald. We are such good friends, look at how he says hello to me! We are fish buddies forever. No one will have as cute a fish as Donald because he is my fish in his pretty glass jar. Everyone wants Donald.

I Say:

“Donald, swim over here so I can take a picture!”

9. The Holiday Photo

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My Photo Says:

On holiday in gorgeous California having a lovely time. Don’t you wish you were in Cali in February too? If only everyone else could experience these gorgeous palm trees and blue skies because they are truly so beautiful.

I Say:

It’s February and I’m sweating like a hog and I cannot get to the pool quick enough. But look at these palm trees! Must Instagram them so I can prove to everyone that I have in fact missed the last two days of term so that I can soak in some sun. Everyone at school will be so jealous. And yet…no one commented.

10. The Magazine Photo

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 My Photo Says:

I just love Harry Styles so much, excuse me while I read this article about him.

I Say:

I just love Harry Styles so much, excuse me while I read this article about him.

11. The Interesting Place Photo

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 My Photo Says:

Don’t mind me, just taking a holiday near this ginormous cathedral. After this I’m going to go learn some history about France and then maybe go grab a croissant at a café. Europe is so lovely this time of year.

I Say:

This cathedral is huge! (If you’re wondering, it’s the Notre Dame d’Amiens) I had to pose here for ten minutes while my friend tries to fit me and the cathedral in. And there’s a series of photos, in which the man you see walking out of the frame on the left actually walks through the entire frame throughout the series. Yup, in the first photo he was on the right side. I’m wearing sunglasses because the sun is shining directly in my eyes and in about two minutes a funeral procession is going to come by.

12. The Breakfast Photo

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My Photo Says:

A cultured morning of perfect French toast, low fat milk, and Harry Potter. There is no rush in my life because I have all I will ever need on this Saturday morning. I am so in tune with pop culture and can cook for myself. See how much more accomplished and put together I am than you this morning.

I Say:

Welcome to the most fattening meal I will ever cook. There’s so much powder sugar that I had to almost power wash the kitchen so my mom wouldn’t kill me. And I’m only reading Harry Potter because it was the most readily accessible book to me. In all honesty, I don’t think I ever read it, I just texted while I ate.

_________

Thanks for reading! Don’t forget that on Wednesday the blog is getting a whole renovation (new name, new everything) so keep the watch out for the post on Wednesday where I explain it all.

Stay classy, Internet,

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