How to Get a Valentine

Well, it has once again come upon us. Valentine’s Day. And once again, you are single. But that’s okay. As long as you have your cat and that five-pound candy bar you should be good for the next 365 days.

Ha! Just kidding!

As you might not know, I have become a bit of a dating advice guru on this blog (I don’t know why) and I’ve decided to take what you guys have come to like best about me (a single girl’s guide to snagging males) and make a Valentine’s edition! (Note: I basically make these as mock-serious. However, if they work for you, tell me!)

Getting a Valentine That Isn’t Your Cat

1. Look Cute

I do not care if you have to wake up at 4 in the morning. Look nice. Put on a cute shirt, do your hair, put on a little extra mascara. Seriously. No one is going to want to be your Valentine if you look like the monster that lives in your closet.

2. Do Not Make ‘Forever Alone’ Jokes

forever alone with 72 cats

If you don’t want a Valentine, make all the ‘Forever Alone’ jokes you want. Tweet all your besties using #ForeverAlone. Whatever you want! However, if you would like to possibly spend the day with a boy, leave the ‘Forever Alone’ alone. No boy wants to listen to a girl who sounds like a loser. Work that single girl status!

3. Casually Mention How Free You Are

While following Step 2, make sure to mention that you do not have any plans on this particular night in front of that certain someone. For example, “I don’t know what I’m going to do tonight. I don’t have any plans. Do you?” That way, you seem available and interested and basically not like a loner loser. Which are all pluses.

4. Invite Them to Dinner

Now, this is the tricky part. You don’t want to make it sound like a date. Try the “Let’s get pizza!” for super casual or “We should go out for dinner so we can get out of the house” to make it a bit more serious. Whatever it is, make it sound fun and not Valentine’s inclined.

5. Make Him Buy You Chocolate

VALENTINES DAY CANDY CHOCOLATE HEART SATIN BOX TURTLES 8.75 OZ

Wait, it gets more tricky! After dinner, when everyone now thinks you’re a couple because you went for dinner on Valentine’s Day, you have to make the move. Suggest going to the store, and when you pass the chocolate suggest that you’re going to buy some. Get him all hyped up about chocolate and then when you’re about to get some for the both of you, say that you forgot your wallet in the car. He’ll want the chocolate so much he’ll just pay for it himself. Now you can tell your friends a boy bought you chocolate.

6. Share Your Chocolate

Make sure you get to the box first and after having one, offer him one, like you’re giving him the Holy Grail or the last cookie in the cookie jar. He feels special and you are saving yourself 30 calories.

7. Go for the Hug

hug

Yeah, I know you’re all shy. You’ve been telling me in the comments for the last year and a half. However, as you’ve now had this nice night with a cute boy with whom you obviously get along with (if you didn’t, he’d be long gone watching Star Wars by now) you can now go in for a cute little hug. Just do it. I dare you!!!

And that’s how you get a Valentine! I hope you have a super great day! And if you do end up with your cat, just be happy there is someone there to cuddle with.

Lots of love from your single friend,

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